the risky fortune

(part I)

The first time they ever shook hands at the fire exist, talking about her future plans and funny things about his city. She smiled and left from the main door, and he had a hanger in his mouth as he moved towards his car from the fire exit.

Though she always felt his aura overpowering her timid presence, he always made her feel a big part of his life, teaching her ways to live the life his way. Right or wrong, she just wanted to jump into his ways of living. She always knew how things were 'over done' around her, and she loved it. Smiling over all the quick morning coffees, mysterious silences, the quick walks under pillared pathways, laughs over very lame stories, last fifteen minutes sitting at urban circus. He tried very hard to get her out of that disturbing shell, never letting her know how nervous he was at times, though she always guessed it. It was too cold for angels to travel, but they took an effort to make it happen. He realised this when while crossing the road ,she smiled at him and said '' I kinda like you''. And Finally the kid could enter the candy store.

She knew it was like walking on the edge, but she wanted to try it no matter what. Rarely that happened but, each time he didn't look back , when she was looking, she got scared. But she enjoyed the fear too, because they always used the invisible Lego blocks for their hazy future. She was scared of never coming back, or he leaving that beautiful world they built. The beautiful world of acting as if there is no tomorrow, quick pecks, sudden hugs, small silly fights, getting horny at the most inappropriate places, long serious discussions, sudden telepathic jokes, commenting on people just by eye rolls, and long lingering kisses.

Though she knew , she was falling in love, but still she was scared of falling in love, and also not falling in love at all. He was scared of losing her any moment, or hurting her any moment and walking out. It grew each day with the attraction between them. Her date of leaving town arrived and then he decided to travel across the world to see her sometime. Kissing her goodbye he said '' your chapter here is closed , but if life permits we shall have another one soon , when I come to see you soon.'' She kissed him back and said '' though I am very scared, but I know, I am in love with you. I hope I get to see you soon even if I don't want to someday.'' He knew she reached several pages ahead in their book, n he still stood in the ''liking'' page. But he awaited the adventure he dreamt with her.

 

Time passed and the day he packed his bag for her, she called and said '' it's over. I can't be a part of this anymore.'' Devastated he remained silent, but knowing her confused estrogenous brains, he still wanted to give it a try. And this time it wasn't just the heart but also his beaver basher hoping to hop into the bewildering world that the created. Somewhere deep down she waited for him madly, but she said that just to make herself get out of the mess that could hurt her anytime in future. She always believed to get a hurt now, then to get a complete nervous breakdown tomorrow. And he always asked her the chances of nervous breakdown, even when deep down he knew a weird end was near.

She sat waiting for him at the station. A weird heart rate increase, as she saw him climbing down the stairs. Forgetting everything else he hugged her so tightly , aiming to break her ribs. She had her arm around his shoulder and a hand in his hair. They had an unsolvable awkwardness as the day passed. Discussing about politics and architecture having breakfast by the sea they realised what they were missing on, in life. Getting tipsy on a couple of beers he said '' this is what I always wanted; beer, country music, and the girl of my dreams, everything at one place". Being so drunk, she just smiled with wet eyes, thinking of the transparent castle getting stronger and fragile at the same time.

After making passionate drunk love a couple of times, they did something they , never wanted to opt for, i.e. cuddle and sleep. This was against their anti- relationship theories. All what they did for the next few days was, laugh, eat, make love, explore, talk, sleep hugging each other, and pray that this time never ends. She was scared most of the time thinking about their worlds apocalypse and he was scared of being so clueless about the present and future. He was clueless in his head about the future. Though he believed in living in the present, this time he was scared. Because he did not want to lose her.

Finally the time arrived where he had to leave her. She asked him a last question while dancing on the roof , on her current favourite song, under a highly coincidental dramatic full moon, '' are you changed as a person, going back? I don't know about us happening ever again, but will you be anything different as u leave?''. He replied ,'' I don't really know. All I know is this strong feeling in me saying that I am going to die, or crippled, or paralysed once I go back.'' He was panicked all night. He hugged her tightly like never before and slept in her arms. She was in her own dilemma, thinking ; what next, what if he forgets me, what if he never meant or felt all of this, what if I fail to continue this, what if we never meet, what if I break our castle, or what if he doesn't care one day! She did not want to let go of this beautiful fairy tale, but she was more scared of falling down to a place from where she could never get up again. She switched off her feelings' button and slept.

As the sun rose, he finished packing his bag, walked towards the unusual silent lazy 'her', slid his hand around her waist griping it strong enough to not let her fall, looked into her eyes and said, '' so it's over huh? ''. her eyes widened and before she could reply, he locked his lips into hers and gave her a long lingering kiss. Long enough to overpower her feelingless head. " you are very sleepy right now''. He claimed. She said " yeah man. Kinda " with wet eyes that he couldn't notice. It was their thing, and she lived the tradition waiting for him to turn back from the window to say the last goodbye of that time. And he did that with a big smile.

He was back in his own world, and she was busy making her own new world exploring new ways. They both tried staying away. She was broken alone, she was making new journeys, meeting new people, thinking different each day. But inside she was in grave pain and was lonely until one day when he called and said, '' I was right, I am crippled in my life, without you in it! And this is the cheesiest thing I have ever said in my life. I have this void in me which no one can fill! ". she jumped and smiled all night long.

(part II)

Again they jumped into something against their principles. The ''long distance relationship''. Before even they could know they were finishing each other's sentences on texts, listening to the same songs, calling each other names, not leaving each other alone for even an hour, making each other sleep on the phone. He comforted her with new changing life, and she never let him feel insecure by people around her. They hurt each other a several times, but they were to happy being with each other to notice these things. Everything was against them being together. Their lives were totally different and were moving in completely different  directions. But they just wanted to ignore all this, and just wanted to live the moment.

 Until one day, when being scared of the hazy future, she tried to call it off, again. And this time it struck him too. He too gave up thinking so many hazards following them and taking the painful but straight way out. They both wanted their love to fade away forever, but it wasn't possible. They still stayed reminding each other how difficult was it to live without each other and how easy was it to be purely happy just talking to each other.

Months passed and things changed. With the spinning world even they changed. From crippled and full of life and happiness, he became a confident, feelingsless, thoughtless, and aimless. She became independent, clueless , happy in her own world, hopeless but with hopes at the same time. And then came a day, she called him from 1000 miles away, and asked '' what's the status now?'' and the answer was expected but not what she wanted. Her first tear dripped cracking her dream the first time. Surprised and wondering, how could she be wrong about her judgements of thoughts in his head, she tried to become numb. But he won't let her, by constantly showing her how much he needs her each day. And suddenly one day the sudden date of their reunion changed everything in his head. Everything started going back to normal abnormally when he showed her how happy he was about seeing her soon , because he had given up on building their world. She was still mad about the confused state, because she did not believe in his idea of '' out of sight, out of mind!" .

The day they met, it was like an explosion of new perspectives, experiences, and intimacy with love, lust and attraction as they both had changed with time. The only thing that remained constant was the need of togetherness. But it was jinxed the very day. She realised he lost his right side of the brain and it he made her feel like a piece of meat. And she refused to be his aphrodisiac need. And having testosterone most functional, he left her in her misery because of her refusal. She was devastated and in cruciating pain but she decided to play it right. The blair waldorf in her always knew the right way of making things happen. And her plan worked just in a single day when she decided to give up on him with an evil grin. He apologized to her the same night with a teary conversation. She forced herself into believing that the root of the problem was he changing n losing faith in everything.  And he was proved to be right about getting into deep trouble in life, and that's what exactly happens to a person when he has nothing to look forward to.

After making passionate love, getting stoned and having a friendly dinner, she saw him going away ,and this time her fear of losing him forever was coming true. He intentionally tried to hurt her by speaking things he did not want to say but, wanted her to hear. And that's where the mind game started. Though he wanted her to never give up on him, he still wished it was all over before it would make further permanent damages. And unfortunately both were as good at it. He wanted her badly but wanted to get rid of her the same time, for his own reasons, verses her, who knew he wanted it to end or exist his way, but she wanted it the right way dreaming of their transparent castle getting real colours.

He was a guy who paid attention only when he was ignored, and she knew that's where she had to hit. The first thing she did was the major step; she travelled to the other corner of the state. She knew it was risky but she had to give it a last shot. The distance did hit him but he was getting immunized any which way because of his state of mind. It went like a tug of war match for a while, until one day, when she made him speak up and heard the golden words that every girl should hear and give up after listening to them, i.e. '' I like you but I don't love you!'' . but being a woman, her brains wouldn't function with general logic, therefore she still did not give up. And she tried to pull out the last block of jenga by playing the card of jealousy. She could see it working, but after the threshold, everything broke into irreparable pieces. Because at his part of the picture he had already won by losing her to someone else, and now it was all over.

Devastated she took some time off and went around the world seeking peace. But she found none. And he found the simpler way to overcome the pain which worked well. After a while, she came back to the town, and this time with a hope overshadowed by burning rage for him. And finally they met, where he came hopeful but no intention of working towards it. She could feel the raised heartbeat and sexual tension looking at his arms with shirt folded till his elbows, exactly the way she liked. He never wore wrist watch and that weirdly turned her on. He loved her wavy hair flying over her neck which had a beauty mark at the right place. They both wanted to grab each other and turn their rage into something productive to get right amount of endorphin to wash away all the pain and worries. But he kept humming the song he used to sing thinking of her, and she kept talking about regular things till her eyes turned watery. And then finally she asked '' you seriously feel nothing for me anymore ". and the answer was again expected but unwanted. Though he spoke the truth of suppressing the feelings for her, but deep down she knew, she was still a needed drug to him.

Sinking in the situation they both tried staying away from each other and taking out all the Lego blocks one at a time. But sometimes when he needed her, he couldn't stay strong and called her. And that was the day when she tried to be courageous even though she knew she had lost the battle. She told him that she knew she was in love with him and so was he but nothing could be done now as life declared it to be too late , as he was leaving town forever. And she was a wanderer too, that made their possibility of being together, negligible. Coincidentally he was walking on the track she planned for him, but just that at this point of time, she wasn't a part of the plan. They both knew they had to say a royal goodbye and they finally confronted each other at a local bar as friends' farewell. Sitting at the bar, she was just about to tell him about her weird day when he suddenly, strongly grabbed both her wrists and pulled her towards his chair and she instantly kissed him passionately till her eyes started dripping. After five minutes he started informally planning their future together, but she made him shut up by another kiss because she knew now nothing could be done. It was the last time he grabbed her waist and rest his head on her chest. She knew it too. He left few marks on her back, and she left them on his mind.

While parting he hugged her and said '' I will see you soon''. And knowing it's not going to happen she whispered in his ear , '' I know, because there is no never, but only not yet ". he came into her life and taught her how to live life happily, but unfortunately he himself gave up living the right way. She taught him to dream and make them come true, but lost all her dreams and gave up on them. But it was worth the risk because the bliss they found in each other could never be experienced by even the greatest drug in the world. They still live in hope that they would ever get to live life and dream together. she still remembers the way he waited for her to leave first at the subway, also he still feels the rush in his head when he made love to her the first time, and that is how they lived happily ever after.